Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Avatar


This is not another review of the movie. What I want to say here is that I think it's so much harder to become household names nowadays. James Cameron who directed this movie also directed Titanic and it was such a huge movie but I think if Titanic was released today it probably wouldn't have the same impact that it did more than 10 years ago. Nowadays blockbusters are a dime a dozen and unknown actors remain unknown, unlike the stars of Titanic Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio who were elevated from relative obscurity to superstardom, I doubt that will happen with Avatar where the unknown actors become overnight sensations..

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sex addiction..

I just read an article on Oprah.com that deals with sexual addiction, and she actually had a show about that. So as with most of her shows, she had guests on who talked about their sexual addiction and it was interesting that all of them were actually not addicted to the sex per se, but were looking for other things like validation, intimacy, etc that they did not know how to achieve the normal way. The other component was apparently lack of self worth and esteem which would trigger that kind of behaviour that feeds their emotional shortcomings..as a gay person, I wonder if it's an epidemic affecting majority of gay men, since we are known to be promiscuous, but usually it's attributed to the fact that we're men and of course we want sex, but does it go deeper than that? Does it maybe have something to do with the self image and insecurities as gay men both with their bodies and lack of security in terms of a conventional marriage that straight people are expected to have that we lack that is causing it? Causing many gay men to seek security and validation from sex? I think there is a huge possibility it is so..

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

2012


2012 is the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar. Is it true or not? Well, according to the new Hollywood blockbuster to join the line of disaster movies that predict apocalypse in the most devastating way..it is. So what I think of the movie, is that it is a worthy addition with fantastic CGI and a very smart script that ties everything up nicely until the end with nary a huge gaping plot hole like in most other movies of this genre. It was interesting how it manages to craftily interweave the obligatory action scenes with heart wrenching human drama to elicit the most out of audiences. Boy have they gotten so good at that. And that is why I cannot find fault with this movie except to say, I was very entertained and hell of a job!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bloodsword!


This is my most favourite series of gamebooks from my childhood, unfortunately my mom threw them away (she thought they were having devilish influence on me due to the contents and undoubtedly the covers on the books did not help, as if what I see on tv isn't worse!) so now I'm trying to find anyone with a copy so that I can go to the printers and get them copied for myself. I looked online but the series is not complete and Book 5: Walls of Spyte can't be found and the rest cost a fortune! So I'm hoping someone here in Malaysia will be able to help..

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

excerpt of a dialogue about Twilight the movie.

Was it all that you hoped it would be? The wolf is hot..I actually watched the first installment of Twilight last week and hated it. Practically an insult to the mythology of vampirism. Cranked out for the mass consumption of PG rated audiences who pander to insipid commercialism. Not that I have anything against that, I loved 2012. But Twilight was rubbish, movies about vampires should preserve the aura, mysticism, allure and seduction that it deserves as a legendary iconic mythos. I just hope the second one will be better..

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Feel like shit today..

My face is in pain, my sinuses are totally stuffed up and my back is in pain, probably cause I was out the whole day yesterday window shopping, I feel like a sick old man now. My eyes feel sore as I'm typing this, I just feel like crawling back into bed..I thought maybe I should get up and do something..like updating my blog..but I think it was a bad idea..the bed is a better idea..

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Need to get my groove back..

It's been a while since I updated my blog. I guess part of it was procrastination (that's a way of saying I'm lazy! :P) anyways, the other part of it is because (oops, there I go again, this is being continued after an hour of doing other stuff, bad bad bad, need to focus..) yeah so anyways, the other part was cause I was in a fucked up relationship, long long long story, but basically just caused me to clam up totally and just didn't want to be so open about things, learned a painful lesson about how some people can just pretend things are ok and not tell you when it's actually not, and then you find out in the most horrible way..whatever, anyways I need to put that behind me. It's been sometime, nearly 2 months, I really need to get my groove back, so hopefully I do, and will continue to write here regularly again!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Going London today!

Going to London today, hope it'll be a nice trip. My first time there so not too sure but after having a look at visitlondon.com I think I have a pretty good idea what to expect. And the ticket entry prices are so steep! That is if converted to ringgit, each tourist place on average costs rm100! Sigh, well as they say, if you want to travel you gotta spend, or something like that...I'm sure it'll be over in no time at all and I'll be back to my boring life here...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Going London next week!

It will be my first trip there, kind of excited! Not sure what I'll be doing though, have to plan my itinerary I guess. I have a friend there to show me around but he'll be working during the day so I guess I'll have to go do the sightseeing stuff by myself during the day..Hope I don't get lost or kidnapped or something. Yeah maybe I watch too many movies but these things do happen..I also hope I won't be spending too much, but looking at the exchange rate I don't think that will be possible sigh..anyways, I'm still excited about it and look forward to it, but will miss my baby while I'm gone..

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Oops fell behind in my blogging again!

Well, I don't know what to say so I'll just recap today. Ran some errands, went to the gym, ...ok no I don't want to bore you. Let's talk about something interesting. Durians is interesting. It is considered the king of fruits here in Asia and native to the region. It has a particularly pungent smell that will permeate and penetrate even the strongest of perfumes or air fresheners, that's probably why all hotels in the know DO NOT ALLOW durians on their premises at all. But....
to those durian connoiseurs, it is heavenly!!! It is God's gift to the fruit world and is beyond any value when you crave for it! The smell is of nirvana and the taste is inexplicably yummilicious! OOOH just blogging about it makes me wanna go eat some....gone.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Updating my blog!

Ok, after getting berated for not updating my blog (you know who you are N.H.! :p) I am now doing it. Gosh there's so much that's happened the past few months! I don't think I can even remember everything (yes old age is definitely catching up I think, time to be popping those ginkgo biloba pills!) but the notable ones would be 1. My birthday 2. The day my world fell apart when i found out something about my then bf and consequently his statement saying we're not bf anymore when it wasn't really my fault. I was TRAUMATISED. 3. My dog that I used to have but gave to a loving family when I came to KL died. and 4. D-Day. i.e. the BREAKUP.
Sigh, I don't know what to say anymore suffice that I guess it was not meant to be..From the beginning we had problems and we thought could sweep under the carpet but came back to bite us..I don't know, maybe if I had the strength and nonchalance to sweep everything under the carpet and not deal with things forever, even though he might have continue hurting (according to him) until something horribly terrible happens! (He never tells me anything and just keeps everything to himself and then goes and acts out and then I find out in a horrible fashion) then maybe the whole thing could have a chance of working out. But as it was, it just got too complicated, sordid and downright crazy for me so I opted out and I think it was for the best, for both of us..anyways, I was in such dying pain the first few days but now I'm handling it better, I hope we can be friends and put everything behind us, I still care for him and wish him well, and regret all the bad things that happened and that we did to each other but I know overall he's a good person and he loved me a lot and I did too and that is that.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Some people can't take the honesty..

A lot of people can't take the honesty you dish out to them and face the truth. Truth hurts and the faster we learn to deal with them the less the pain. No point living in denial. The world would be a better place if we all were more honest to each other and people were willing to accept it and learn from it.

Friday, May 1, 2009

People who wear sunglasses indoors..

I don't understand the people who wear sunglasses indoors, it's so ridiculous. They think it's so cool but a lot of people are actually laughing at them, and even though they try to act cool, you can tell from the way they act, walk, etc that they're feeling so self-conscious about it which kind of defeats the purpose in the first place about trying to look cool right? Well, guess what? It's not cool, you're not blind and seeing things in black won't help a bit in your shopping! And they think it gives them the right to just ignore you or give an imperceptible and shallow nod of a greeting like as if they're royalty or something. Puhleeese!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Is it so hard to ask for someone normal?

I don't understand why some people like to be funny and play games and stuff, I mean yeah it can be amusing but some people don't know the limits. I don't think it's an excuse that it's all subjective, especially when it comes to someone that knows you very well. If it's just a casual friend or something then it's ok, but if it's someone you know very well such as a lover or boyfriend and they know you don't like something and yet they intentionally do it, then I think that's wrong. Even if they wanted to joke about something or whatever, if they already know it's a touchy or very sensitive thing then they should not..so is that reason enough to avoid or minimise contact with the person if they continuously do so? If we feel unhappy about it should we not remove said source of unhappiness from our lives?

Bad gym!

I feel gyms should be penalised under the law if they fail to deliver as promised. When California gym opened they promised to be the best, to have the best facilities, branches, etc and now it has reduced the size of the branch they relocated from an excellent location, not allowed its members to use the branches of certain countries that were previously allowed and all the while still expanding their membership base. It is extremely unfair to the members for them to do that and I wish they could be punished under the law. Maybe it was a sign to quit California when I broke the strap of my gym bag on my first time to check the new miserably sized branch at a half dead shopping mall they relocated to, most likely because they got a good deal..

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Untitled

I wonder how one can have a genuine and heartfelt relationship with someone who jokes too much, one day the jokes and and games and excuses will grow old and they will be left with nothing but the bitter truth. Will they change and learn in time for the future? Sad truth is probably not, all we can do is go along and not take them too seriously.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

What have we become?

Millions of years of evolution and what have we become? We have managed to achieve consciousness and become the superior species above others, we have created great civilisations and made great discoveries, we have unlocked many secrets to the mysteries of the world and plumbed the creative side of humanity to bring forth beautiful works of art and music...yet we have scarred this earth in a horrible manner, sucked it dry of its resources, it is groaning under the burden of humanity...we have waged war on each other, learned to distrust everyone and created governments and monetary systems that encourage evil behaviour and bring out the worst in humanity. Materialism, greed, power, fame, etc have become the primary objectives that many of us strive for. We have an endless list of mental and emotional disorders brought on by our ways and perverted elements that have become norms in society..what have we become? Yet most of us have an apathetic attitude and so do weep for humanity and dare we think of the inevitable fate that will eventually befall us...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

how do we keep our decency?

I wonder, how do good, honest sincere people keep being like that in this world, this world that is full of filth, corruption, distraction, etc. with social, financial and many other systems that encourage evil, manipulative behaviour. We can say we try our best but how long before we crumble because we have been forced into a position that we have to compromise our beliefs and decency..and do that repeatedly, if not we won't be able to get ahead or survive in this world. So the cycle of evil and cheating continues and we continue to harm people and compromise and say, 'well, I had no choice' and eventually we numb our conscience towards it, and the decent among us becomes less and less...So how do we keep our decency?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Can you really change someone?

Can people be changed? There's a saying that comes to mind when I think of this, 'can a leopard change its spots?' That saying seems to imply that you can't. I think it's difficult for people to change but it is possible, it probably takes a great effort, no a herculean effort, for most people because people tend to be set in their ways. That's talking about big changes, a big shift in the paradigm of thinking. There are little things that can change over time too, small habits that we can discard or acquire. But ultimately, I think we tend to stay true to ourselves and our core values which are set during childhood. If that's the case then trying to change someone in a relationship is going to be hell and probably could be the cause of many a failure. But if people are willing to compromise, if that's part of their internal makeup, to adapt and willing to change, then they will be the ones who will have a better chance to survive, whether in a relationship, or in work, or in life.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Bullshit.

Some people are just full of bullshit. Why can't they just admit it when they're wrong, it makes me mad that they keep denying and taking me for a fool even when it's clear they're wrong. And how many times can it happen, you give forgive once, twice, 3 times, but not all the time. I believe in karma, one day it will all come back and bite them, and bite them hard!

Monday, March 9, 2009

We're each others' superhero.

I know I said I was all written out, but something set me thinking..I just watched a movie called Watchmen and it was about superheroes. But instead of the usual Hollywood blockbuster fare, it provided a more intimate and gritty look at the characters and their fallibility even though they're superheroes. They are also prone to the inescapable behaviors that plague humans which goes beyond the glamourized exterior that is usually shown. Do we have real-life superheroes? My baby said that superheroes do not exist anymore, mother Theresa, Ghandi, etc all did their part and have passed on with no one to take over the reins. But instead of conferring superhero status on certain individuals, I would like to propose a different idea: that all of us are capable of being superheroes as long as we have the necessary values that makes a superhero. Courage, strength, integrity are all good attributes to have, they serve to elevate one to true superhero status, but I think nothing replaces the heart and passion that one needs, the core values that one internalises, that will ensure that one always stay true to being what a superhero is!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

All written out..

People say they're all cried out. For some reason I'm all written out. I have nothing more to say at this moment and maybe the near future. Life is and life will be, that's all I can say. We are here now, we may be here tomorrow, we won't be here forever..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The 81st Academy Awards

I watched the Academy Awards last night. It was quite entertaining actually, though at 3 1/2 hours long it was a bit tedius. Maybe that's why they changed the format slightly to make it more interesting, such as having the host do musical numbers every now and then, making the set designs more interesting with different backgrounds for different categories and even in the presentation of the awards in the best actor/actress and best supporting actor/actress categories. Apparently the ratings for the Oscars have been continuously dropping every year so maybe it's an attempt to revive interest in it and to make it more updated and lively. I think it's the right direction but they do need to do something about the time as I think nowadays people just don't have the attention span to sit through something so long and not that awfully interesting as most people are just interested in the few main categories. But overall it was a good effort and one can tell they tried their best so kudos to the crew and let's hope they manage to stem the lack of interest in the Academy Awards or even increase the viewership in the coming years.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Light sleeper..

I don't know why but I am and have been since late teens, a very light sleeper. Any noise, light, movement, etc will wake me up and I find it hard to get back to sleep again. Maybe it's a bad habit but one that has proven hard to break. The more I tell myself to don't care the more I do. Nowadays going to sleep is even a problem. And I've always had this, I don't know if anyone else has: If I don't go to sleep almost immediately when my head hits the pillow, and I start thinking and stuff and end up tossing and turning then I will not get good quality sleep! It's just weird..sigh.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentines double whammy!

Had a wonderful Valentines with my baby, tiring 2 days but felt like it was 2 days of Valentine which was nice. Day One we had buffet at Shangri-la Hotel, it was an extensive buffet with a lot of variety. And after we finished we had a nice stroll in the back garden and nursery of the hotel and a nice naughty kiss in the bushes :P I know what you're thinking! It was just a kiss, honest! Then went back into the hotel and the band was playing in the lounge and we decided to sit and listen, they were very good and obviously set the tone for Valentine's by singing love songs, that was the most magical part of the evening I suppose. We requested I Will Always Love You, which I suspect could become our Song..I got a cow teddy which we christened Cowy, that name reminds me of Simon Cowell for some reason! and I have him a shirt that I knew he liked and which he said he knew I'd get him, whatever!
The next day we went for lunch but I didn't eat cause I was still full from the buffet the night before but he wasn't, boy can he eat! Then we walked around the shopping mall, Pavilion, and he had to go teach yoga so I had to drop him back to his car, we met up again at night at Mid Valley and had dinner and dessert which was a nice end to the night but I was dead tired by the time got home and just dropped dead in bed! Altogether a very nice Valentine's I must say..One of the nicest I've had.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day. I suppose it would be the best time to think about and re-evaluate our thoughts and beliefs about love. Questions like what is love? Why do people need love? Why does love do what it does and makes us feel a certain way? What's the difference between loving one person and another? Can love surpass lust? Must love be monogamous and possessive? All of these and more, are pertinent questions and should be thought about for those who are love-inclined, so to speak :P
I think many people will have different answers to these questions simply because everyone is unique in their perspectives and feelings. Most importantly is that we all learn to love each other as human beings regardless of our roles in society or to each other. Because that is all we can do at the end of the day is to help create a beautiful and meaningful world that we leave behind before we shuffle the mortal coil. I think that is the ultimate love we should all strive to achieve..the pure unrestricted love of all things.

I hate hotels that don't pick up their calls..

I don't understand hotels that don't pick up their calls. I called 2 hotels today repeatedly and they didn't pick up at all! These were 4 or 5 star hotels at that! I thought maybe I got their numbers wrong and double checked online. It turns out countless sites listed the same numbers promoting this and that and I don't really see the point of that if we can't even get them to take advantage of all those wonderful promotions because they can't be bothered to pick up the phone. Unbelievable!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Discrimination at KFC!

Last night, after having a good workout at the gym, we decided to go and feed our ravenous hunger..Being as it was 10.30, that was late already and the shopping mall was closing. Most of the food places were closed as well, except for fast food, which made me wonder why fast food outlets always close later..but I digress. Anyways, after walking around for a while we ended up at KFC and decided to have that. when we queued up there were 2 young Malay girls in front of us and we heard the server tell them that there were no chicken left and only burgers, even though there were a few pieces of chicken in plain sight. The Malay girls then looked a bit disappointed but with a resigned look, ordered the burgers.
When it came to our turn luckily I decided to try our luck and ordered chicken and the guy hesitated before turning to the manager nearby, who also hesitated before telling him to give it to us. Therefore, my conclusion is that the staff wanted to keep the chicken and didn't serve the Malay girls because they thought they looked like pushovers and then when it came to us, we were chinese and most likely will know our rights and how to complain so they didn't dare take the risk. The staff were Malay and apparently the accepted notion that they always give preferance to their own race doesn't apply when it's food!
This small situation tells a lot about racial perceptions and biasness and human behaviour methinks!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

not enough time for life to sort itself out?

I think why I feel so restless sometimes is because I don't trust life to sort itself out and therefore feel anxious about things not happening the way I want them to happen. I always take things too seriously I suppose and avoid making mistakes and having regrets to the point of being so afraid of being spontaneous and therefore robs every moment of its enjoyment. No wonder I feel it hard to relax. Plus the fact that I always feel like I'm just growing older by the moment and not enough time and opportunities to do everything that I want to do, and I do want to do everything and ot frustrates me that I can physically do everything! I wish I had superpowers that could help..sigh. Or some technology like the transporters in Start Trek where you can instantaneously be transported anywhere..

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Just back.

Just got back from Taiwan, been a busy 2 weeks, first was Chinese New Year in Penang and then came back for one day and had to go Taiwan with my mom, ate a lot in Penang and Taiwan, gained a lot of weight, feel fat now, must go back to the gym already. Dunno why, feel so lethargic and stuff since I'm back. I'm hoping it's the jet lag but that's just an excuse since the flight was just 4 hours so what the hell is wrong with me? I dunno..

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Human Condition

Is it such that we as humans are fated to suffer in whatever we endeavour? Whether in our work or love or anything, can we truly be secure and contented in this so-called life? Especially in a fast moving world, where everything is thrown at us in ever increasing speeds and frequency that we are mentally short-circuited due to an inability to process all the information and stimuli? No wonder so many people are screwed up!
Are we so sick and twisted that we always look for misery, whether consciously or subconsciously, so that we can wallow in self pity or make it our goal to remove that misery and then repeat the process again? Are we suckers for punishment? We bitch about work and life and stuff and yet if we had no problems and nothing to bitch about would we be happier and totally content? Hardly I think, we'd feel restless and useless and find other things to occupy our time and bitch about that instead...Does that mean that we are our own hell and misery? I think so..and nothing good can come out of that inevitably...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Not been able to get good sleep lately..

I don't know why but I haven't been able to achieve deep restful sleep lately, you know the kind that even when you wake up you're still sleeping and even though your mind is telling you to get up but your body won't..Lately I have been waking up after 4 or 5 or 6 hours of sleep whereas I used to be able to sleep for 8 hours, those were the days...But the funny thing is, even though it's not the best sleep it's not like I'm totally tired or anything, I don't really feel tired. Only sometimes when I get disturbed sleep in the middle of the night like keep waking up for some reason then I will, I call that the zombie state. Otherwise I feel fine but a part of me knows I'm not getting enough sleep or just minimal and not the optimal which is what I want. When I wake up after the few hours minimal even though I try to go back to sleep I cant..My mind won't let me. Maybe cause I think too much. But the more I tell myself not to and to go back to sleep the harder it is..sigh sometimes I wish there was an on/off switch for the brain..

Friday, January 9, 2009

Depressed and sad

I think I suffer from depression, sometimes I just feel sad about everything and sometimes it's just brought on by a small thing that can cause a cascade effect. I just want to give up on everything, what's the point of it all. I don't really see the point or meaning of life. I wish I had the courage to commit suicide, but alas I'm scared and I don't want to do the wrong thing and not being able to go back. I see so many people and think they're all so fake, what have they got to be so happy about, it all means nothing in the end, what's so nice about living in this terrible, cruel and meaningless world.Whatever happiness is short lived and leaves you seeking more and when you don't get it or when you lose it it's even more painful, what kind of fucked up life being a human is about, no wonder the world is so screwed up. Sigh, whatever, tomorrow's another day in a screwed up life in a screwed up world that won't mean any fucking thing.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

love-hate life!

I just realized that most things in his life are characterized by a kind of love-hate relationship! For example:
I love my mom but hate her nagging and stifling.
I love eating but hate that it makes me put on weight.
I love working out to get a nicer body but hate the effort I have to put in.
I love to party but hate the shallowness and bitchiness of the scene.
I love being able to do nothing but hate being bored.
etc...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Rihanna's coming to KL!

Just found out Rihanna's coming to KL next month, though I'm not a diehard fan of hers I do like a few of her songs, most of the Don't Stop The Music! I think I listen to that song most of the time nowadays, especially when I run on the treadmill. I like her other songs like Umbrella, Good Girl Gone Bad, Take A Bow, older ones like SOS and Unfaithful are good too. Plus she's so hot right now! So I must see her when she comes! Can't wait..

Sunday, January 4, 2009

This unending journey called life...

I feel like I'm forever searching for something, maybe the meaning of life, and I'm forever unfulfilled and don't belong and alone ultimately..I wonder if it's an indication of my mental state or whether it's ok for me to feel this way..Sometimes I feel so empty and wonder what is the point of living, is it really just to enjoy life and try to be happy? But for all my efforts at enjoying I seldom do because I end up worrying whether am enjoying or supposed to be enjoying..And whatever enjoyment I get it's just temporary and then I'm back in that depressive state again..Sometimes I think it's better if I'm dead.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

What are we here for?

As another year arrives, I ponder yet again the meaning of our lives here on this earth..What are we here for? To live? To love? To create meaning in our lives? What does it all mean? Do we really matter? Do all our efforts matter when we're dead and gone and we've turned to dust? People talk about legacy..what's the use when we're not around anymore? Even when we are, how long will it last and in the bigger scheme of things is it all that important? Maybe we're just a freak of nature, given consciousness and then cruelly put out to survive and will ultimately suck our world dry and kill each other...I feel empty...I try to fill my life with more and more learnings, more things, more people, more love, more health, more everything but it won't take away the insecurity and the nagging feeling that it all means nothing in the end...We all mean nothing...