The Human Condition

Is it such that we as humans are fated to suffer in whatever we endeavour? Whether in our work or love or anything, can we truly be secure and contented in this so-called life? Especially in a fast moving world, where everything is thrown at us in ever increasing speeds and frequency that we are mentally short-circuited due to an inability to process all the information and stimuli? No wonder so many people are screwed up!
Are we so sick and twisted that we always look for misery, whether consciously or subconsciously, so that we can wallow in self pity or make it our goal to remove that misery and then repeat the process again? Are we suckers for punishment? We bitch about work and life and stuff and yet if we had no problems and nothing to bitch about would we be happier and totally content? Hardly I think, we'd feel restless and useless and find other things to occupy our time and bitch about that instead...Does that mean that we are our own hell and misery? I think so..and nothing good can come out of that inevitably...

Not been able to get good sleep lately..

I don't know why but I haven't been able to achieve deep restful sleep lately, you know the kind that even when you wake up you're still sleeping and even though your mind is telling you to get up but your body won't..Lately I have been waking up after 4 or 5 or 6 hours of sleep whereas I used to be able to sleep for 8 hours, those were the days...But the funny thing is, even though it's not the best sleep it's not like I'm totally tired or anything, I don't really feel tired. Only sometimes when I get disturbed sleep in the middle of the night like keep waking up for some reason then I will, I call that the zombie state. Otherwise I feel fine but a part of me knows I'm not getting enough sleep or just minimal and not the optimal which is what I want. When I wake up after the few hours minimal even though I try to go back to sleep I cant..My mind won't let me. Maybe cause I think too much. But the more I tell myself not to and to go back to sleep the harder it is..sigh sometimes I wish there was an on/off switch for the brain..

Depressed and sad

I think I suffer from depression, sometimes I just feel sad about everything and sometimes it's just brought on by a small thing that can cause a cascade effect. I just want to give up on everything, what's the point of it all. I don't really see the point or meaning of life. I wish I had the courage to commit suicide, but alas I'm scared and I don't want to do the wrong thing and not being able to go back. I see so many people and think they're all so fake, what have they got to be so happy about, it all means nothing in the end, what's so nice about living in this terrible, cruel and meaningless world.Whatever happiness is short lived and leaves you seeking more and when you don't get it or when you lose it it's even more painful, what kind of fucked up life being a human is about, no wonder the world is so screwed up. Sigh, whatever, tomorrow's another day in a screwed up life in a screwed up world that won't mean any fucking thing.

love-hate life!

I just realized that most things in his life are characterized by a kind of love-hate relationship! For example:
I love my mom but hate her nagging and stifling.
I love eating but hate that it makes me put on weight.
I love working out to get a nicer body but hate the effort I have to put in.
I love to party but hate the shallowness and bitchiness of the scene.
I love being able to do nothing but hate being bored.
etc...

Rihanna's coming to KL!

Just found out Rihanna's coming to KL next month, though I'm not a diehard fan of hers I do like a few of her songs, most of the Don't Stop The Music! I think I listen to that song most of the time nowadays, especially when I run on the treadmill. I like her other songs like Umbrella, Good Girl Gone Bad, Take A Bow, older ones like SOS and Unfaithful are good too. Plus she's so hot right now! So I must see her when she comes! Can't wait..

This unending journey called life...

I feel like I'm forever searching for something, maybe the meaning of life, and I'm forever unfulfilled and don't belong and alone ultimately..I wonder if it's an indication of my mental state or whether it's ok for me to feel this way..Sometimes I feel so empty and wonder what is the point of living, is it really just to enjoy life and try to be happy? But for all my efforts at enjoying I seldom do because I end up worrying whether am enjoying or supposed to be enjoying..And whatever enjoyment I get it's just temporary and then I'm back in that depressive state again..Sometimes I think it's better if I'm dead.

What are we here for?

As another year arrives, I ponder yet again the meaning of our lives here on this earth..What are we here for? To live? To love? To create meaning in our lives? What does it all mean? Do we really matter? Do all our efforts matter when we're dead and gone and we've turned to dust? People talk about legacy..what's the use when we're not around anymore? Even when we are, how long will it last and in the bigger scheme of things is it all that important? Maybe we're just a freak of nature, given consciousness and then cruelly put out to survive and will ultimately suck our world dry and kill each other...I feel empty...I try to fill my life with more and more learnings, more things, more people, more love, more health, more everything but it won't take away the insecurity and the nagging feeling that it all means nothing in the end...We all mean nothing...